What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
