We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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