I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
