So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
