It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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