oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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