thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
why do cheetos always look like penises
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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