Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
