she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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