I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
