his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
