Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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