Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
