they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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