So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
