An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
