I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
