mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
