he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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