I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
