you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
