and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
