If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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