What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
