Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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