Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
