he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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