Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
