Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
