you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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