i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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