Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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