lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
how does that bad decision feel?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
