Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
