She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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