what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
