Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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