dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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