I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
