i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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