and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
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