We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
