dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
