Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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