I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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