Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
