i already hear my dad disowning me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
