White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
