so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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