apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
