We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Come share oat with me in your robe
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
