Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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