Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My feet surprised me
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
