I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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